Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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