Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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