Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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