He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize