I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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