For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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