i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
