happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
