i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im six kinds of drunk right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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