I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
