overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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