you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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