meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
