wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
