Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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