If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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