I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
