youre lurking in front of me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize