I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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