Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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