They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
