Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
