So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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