I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
