Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
