I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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