they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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