Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
