Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
