If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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