i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
