You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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