so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
