i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
