i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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