peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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