It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
