I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
