I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
smell my finger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
