the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
