At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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