its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
