i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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