I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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