I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
