So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
