before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
