Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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