I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
