I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
