yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
