somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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