I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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