Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
