If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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