I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
