Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
ok first of all what the fuck
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
