question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
