My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
