Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How naked do you want me to be?
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