My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
