im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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