Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
