drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize