This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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