I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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