I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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