I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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