dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
