He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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