How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize