We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
