Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
