I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
