i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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