Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
